It's Time For The Fried-day Mailbag!!!

Wazzup Blog-o-maniacs?

It's Fried-day peeps! Time for you to do as little as possible at work to prepare yourself for the most important two days of your week!

And me? Well, I'm no different. Right now I'm tipping back a cold one at my secret lair in the South Pacific, ready to open up the old mail bag.

A great question this week will be answered in more detail than you'll ever want to hear, so let's get to it.

Dear Doc Dan,

In your Monday blog, you mentioned a song called "King of Anything" and asserted that it was a "man hating" song. I listened to it and I disagree. It only mentions a woman who disagrees with a man who's trying to "save" her when she doesn't want to be. What is your definition of a "man-haitng" song?     Signed, Sharon in Omaha

Well Sharon, I'm glad you asked that question. The number of "man hating" songs on the airwaves has grown exponentially since record companies discovered that almost 75% of all pop and country music is purchased by...  females. With the exception of rap music (and that's a HUGE exception) "man-hating" music is all the rage these days.

My definition of man-hating music is simply this; if you changed the gender of the song, would the song still be deemed appropriate for all listeners? So let's do a little switcher-oo and see what we come up with.

For example: King of Anything -

You've got opinions, woman, we're all entitled to 'em.
But I never asked.

So let me thank you for your time and try to not waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast.

I hate to break it to you babe but I'm not drowning.
There's no one here to save.

Who cares if you disagree. You are not me.
Who made you queen of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died, and made you queen of anything?

While this song may be seen only as mildly annoying to the average woman, it's highly disrespectful and it would definitely NEVER sell records in the music biz if sung by a man unless it was interpreted as a complete joke.

Try some more song lyrics in reverse;

...he held Willie's hand as they worked out a plan
And it didn't take 'em long to decide... that girl had to die

Goodbye, girl, those black eyed peas
They tasted alright to me girl. You're feelin' weak?
Why don't you lay down and sleep, girl
Ain't it dark, wrapped up in that tarp, girl?

...Now They sell Tennessee ham and strawberry jam

And they don't lose any sleep at night... cause that girl had to die

Goodbye girl.  We need a break.
Lets go out to the lake, girl.  We'll pack a lunch
And stuff you in the trunk girl, well, is that alright?
Good, let's go for a ride, girl, Well, hey, hey, hey...    

Or how bout this doozy?


Her fist is big but my gun's bigger
She'll find out when I pull the trigger

I'm goin' home, gonna load my shotgun
Wait by the door and light a cigarette.
If she wants a fight well now she's got one
And she ain't seen me crazy yet.
She slapped my face and shook me like a rag doll
Don't that sound like a real woman.
I'm going to show her what little boys are made of
Gunpowder and lead...


And lastly, the Carrie Underwood classic...


I might've saved a little trouble for the next guy,
Cause the next time that she cheats...
Oh, you know it won't be on me!

'Cause I dug my key into the side of her pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into her leather seats...
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time she'll think before she cheats...


Now I'm sorry, but as funny as some of these lyrics sound, they all come across as a little creepy and psychotic. So when did it become OK for women to be creepy and psychotic? Is it considered "all in good fun" to sing about murdering a man or destroying his personal property? Can you women feel my annoyance over this trend? 


While the man-pussy Keith Urban is whining out songs like, "Tonight I'm gonna cry..." The Wreckers (awesome name for a female group by the way) are belting out to their man, "It's alright, I'll be fine, don't worry 'bout this heart of mine, just take your love and hit the road..."


What's driving this trend? Money of course. 


So the next time you're in a karaoke bar and hear these man-hating songs being utterly destroyed by four drunken girls at a bachelorette party, don't blame some guy if he gets up and sings some Eminem for equal hate time,


"You can't run from me Kim, It's just us, nobody else!
You're only making this harder on yourself
Ha! Ha! Got'cha! Ha! Go ahead yell!
Here I'll scream with you! AH SOMEBODY HELP!
Don't you get it bitch? no one can hear you!
Now shut the fuck up and get what's comin' to you
You were supposed to love me
{*Kim choking*}
NOW BLEED! BITCH BLEED!
BLEED! BITCH BLEED! BLEED!"


How does that song make you feel girls? As you can see, playing hate games with men isn't always the smartest contest to join in on. Most men are much better at it than any woman could ever imagine, let alone, sing about. 


So whudda ya say girls, man-hating, woman hating? Hey, I got a better idea. Can't we all just get along?


See you Saturday when we'll all discuss "What We Lurned This Week." Have a GFD Blog-o-holics and keep those questions coming!