Hola Blo-gringos,
Es El Sabado (that means "It's El Sabbath" in espanol talk). And of course as we all know, the Sabbath is on Saturday and we also know that Black Sabbath was a heavy metal rock band consisting of all white men. If Black Sabbath were made up of actual black men, it may have sounded something like;
And we all know that Saturday is the day I share "WHAT I LURNED THIS WEAK!"
What did I lurn this weak? I (once again) lurned that women are often in the same boat as men even though they like to act all innocent and morally superior to us. Example?
You've probably seen one or more of the ads aimed at men that say things like, "Get A Woman Into Bed In 3 Easy Steps Tonight!" or "Attention Guys! Once You Learn the Twelve Power Words, Super Models Will Call You For Sex!" or "Yes Men! You Can Sleep With 99 Women in 2 Hours!"
Now of course I would never in a million years, subscribe to such garbage but some of my male friends subscribe to ALL these sites and it just so happens that I may have had the opportunity to read some of the content therein with more than just a little interest, but for research purposes only. The funniest thing is, they're all basically the same. The web page ads all start out like this;
"Hi. I was once a brain dead loser just like you and never had any luck with the ladies. Then I went to the club one night and saw Harry. Harry was 4 foot 3, had a gut hanging over his belt that looked like he'd swallowed Rosie O'Donnell after she'd swallowed Roseanne Barr. He was unemployed, lived in his parent's basement, had no car, smelled of vomit and had a habit of eating the dead skin off his elbows. But every night, Harry was going home with super-models, movie stars, Miss America and women who made Angelina Jolie look like a warmed over cat turd.
What's Harry's secret? Well, for the low, low price of $139.99 (per month), I'll share Harry's secrets.
The "Secrets" then usually run as follows;
Be confident, stand up straight, be cocky, be funny, learn a few pick up lines, learn how to handle rejection, make more money, go to the gym, groom yourself at least once a month and never pick your nose until after she's in a committed relationship with you.
Hell, I'll do these articles one better and offer up some of my own sure-fire dating advice. Offer to babysit her kids when she goes out with a better looking guy who's not a loser, buy her affection, slip her a roofie, don't stare at her breasts for longer than 20 consecutive minutes, lie about your real life, hire someone else to pick up the woman and then slip in once she's drunk, tell her how great her fat rolls look, lower your standards to include transvestites and increase your odds by swinging both ways. In other words, do anything except be yourself because a loser like you couldn't possibly take ANYONE who looked similar to a female, home with you.
I was once sharing some of these "secrets" with a young man at my local gym and was over heard by a woman standing nearby. You'd have thought I'd just raped her cat. "Oh my God! That's terrible! You shouldn't have a plan to pick up on women! You're such a weasel!
To which I responded, "Really? You mean to sit there and tell me with a straight face that women don't do exactly the same thing?" To which she responded, "Well, I'm sure that SOME women do, but not me. That's so tasteless!"
"WHAT A MAN IS THINKING WHILE YOU UNDRESS!" (article written by a woman)
"HOW TO LAND THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS!"
"69 WAYS TO BLOW HIS MIND IN BED!"
(If you think it's our mind that we want blown, you're already in trouble)
Now what brought all this up this week? Well, I just happened to run across, for the first time ever, the same type of outrageous web advertisement which usually attracts men, only this time it was aimed at women!
It was called "Dirty Dialogue; How To Talk Dirty To Your Man Without Shame!" I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. Here are some excerpts;
Have you ever attempted to talk dirty to your man after pushing yourself to break the ice, didn’t get the response you expected, and quickly felt awkward and embarrassed –killing the mood – making you look back at the experience with fear, guilt and rejection? I mean, feeling like you failed at dirty talk...and only making the idea seem more and more nerve racking?
Do you like the idea of talking dirty and pleasing your man’s wildest fantasy? Have you already started talking dirty as a way to please him? But, have your attempts fallen short… leaving you searching for the missing piece-of-the-puzzle… that will unleash your inner sex goddess andshower him with verbal bliss?
The Secret To Talking Dirty To Men...
Inside you’ll find:
- The Number One pitfall - which most women completely ignore - that murders your ability to talk dirty to a guy before you even begin, and how to avoid it like the plague!
- The secret about pleasing your man with dirty talk that he's begging you to know…but is too afraid to tell you!
- How to be a “lady in the streets but a freak in the bed”.
- The shocking difference between a “slut” and the equally-as-sexual “serial monogamist”! (Hint – This is NOT what you think, so listen up...)
- Why real men desire classy women (and fall in love with them more) than most promiscuous women...PLUS how to send all the right signals to his dirty little mind! (Note – This is also proven to work with “recovering sluts” who want to settle down)
- How to captivate his fantasy and become the sex goddess of his dreams with this simple (and easy to use) “innocence” tactic that works every time!
"Devian, You and your advice have saved my relationship, and have brought me and my man closer together. You’re amazing. I can never repay you enough for this! Thank you so very much!" -Amanda R. |
- OK. TWO POINTS HERE WOMEN,
- I don't mind you plotting, primping and planning how to "Blow A Man's Mind", or to "Land Him" or even to "Keep Him Hooked With Dirty Talk". I simply want you to admit that's what females often do. Why the charade? Why pretend that all of your attraction attempts are simply coming off magically and naturally? Who do you think y'all are kidding? Could you clue me in on this one?
- If you want to learn to talk dirty in the boudoir (and your man wants you to) I'm gonna save you some money with these simple tips;
A. If you're not used to talking during sex (and your man wants you to), start small.
Tell him that you like what he's doing (unless you don't) or to keep doing what
he's doing and use the word "baby" a lot (unless he's your "daddy"). Or tell him
what you want him to do to you in a coarse kind of way.
B. Realize that this talk is just for the bedroom and is part of a light-hearted,
pressure free sexual experience so have fun with it and experiment.
C. As you get better at this sexual art form, get dirtier and use words and phrases
that you would NEVER use anywhere else. Words that may begin with F or Sh
or Yee-haw or "Fire All Photon Torpedoes Mr. Sulu!"
D. What men DON'T want in bed is to hear some pre-rehearsed script
that you bought off an internet site which was written by someone else who
simply played on your honest desire to grab and keep a man.
So there you have it ladies. Guys aren't the only ones who are plotting to "git some" tonight, are we? So let's stop with this played out, false, Victorian attitude toward seduction and simply learn to be honest, forthright and most of all "verbal" with one another in the arena of our romantic relationships.
AND THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT TO SAY ABOUT THAT ON "WHAT I LURNED THIS WEAK!!!"
See you on Music Monday Blog-o- holics. Have a GFD!
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