Music Monday!!! OWWWW!!!

Wassup Blog-topuses?

It's Music Monday because for many of you (you with bad attitudes), Mondays suck and you need some music to get you through it. Well, I'm here for you Blog-ettes because hey, how are we going to take over the world together if I'm only getting 3 days of work out of you? Yeah, I KNOW you ain't worth a damn on Friday either!

So let's get up and get musical-ized so you can get some real work done, because an army of unemployed dead-beats is really not what I'm looking for in my world takeover plans (besides, I've already got that area covered).

This week, I've listed three groovy new songs for your listening pleasure and am featuring the "Dumb Ass Song Lyric of the Week". So let's get started...

The new music (new for me) is all mellower, folksy pop stuff I've been listening to lately. Since I've started playing acoustic guitar, I've really grown an appreciation for lyric driven music. It's extremely difficult to keep an audience's attention with just one or two instruments, a different kind of challenge than the arena rock I grew up worshiping where lyrics just didn't matter because they couldn't be heard anyway! Mellow as these songs are, I want to reassure you that I've got Iron Maiden's POWER SLAVE in my truck's CD player right now, so don't think I've gone completely soft...

Here are my WEEKLY 3;

Alpha Rev - "New Morning" - Love this song and everything it stands for -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5f94spB6C4 


Sara Bareilles - "King of Anything"  - I HATE man hating songs but Sara "I'm not gonna write you a love song" Bareilles' new track (album released in August) is musically interesting, quirky and smart. I hate to like it but I do. Problem is, this song will most likely be so overplayed in the next 3 months that I really WILL start to hate it in no time at all (kind of like Jason Mraz and Train).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eR7-AUmiNcA


Ray LaMantagne - "Beg, Steal or Borrow" - Hits the nail on the head of my heart. Sometimes I feel so alone in my thinking, it feels like I'm the only one on the planet who feels this way. Not to put down old friends in any way, shape or form but sometimes we just think in such different worlds. Glad to know I'm not alone in mine...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6a_1R3w5i4 

All three of these groovy songs are worthy of a Monday listen and now... for the main event...

The Dumb-Ass Song Lyric of the Week!!!

This week's dumb ass song lyric goes to Joan Jett's, "I Love Rock and Roll". I was listening to this on the radio the other day and it just dawned on me, how would this song work out in real life? Well, here it is;

"He smiled, so I got up and asked for his name.
"That don't matter," he said, "Cuz it's all the same"
Said, "Can I take you home? Where we can be alone?"


OK, what have we got here? A woman (with a HUGE lesbian following) sees a boy dancing (with himself? Gay Alarm!!!). He smiles at her so she gets up and asks him his name.

Now we've already got a problem because this certain scenario might take place about one time in 10,000 evenings on the town. The lyric should've been, "He smiled, He got up, asked me MY name, bought me an over-priced, watered down drink, made me laugh, passed my 25 point mental check list, didn't mind the fact that I was 30 pounds over-weight, and told me he was a doctor/attorney/business owner/professional athlete or inherited a fortune from his deceased aunt, so I decided right then and there that he MIGHT be worthy of buying me a second drink."

But enough of my bitter ranting, we need to move on. She asks for his name and he comes up with this jewel, "That don't matter, cuz it's all the same."

Huh?

If I were Joan (and thank God I'm not) this response would force me to ask the following question, "Boy, how much crack did you smoke before you went out to the club?" What would this conversation even sound like? "Hi, I'm Joan. What's your name?" 

"That don't matter cuz it's all the same."

Besides the terrible abuse of the English language, the question still remains, "WHAT'S all the same?" What is this IT that you speak of? All names are the same? All bars are the same? All conversations are the same?  Or maybe I was just looking for any phrase that rhymed with NAME? Or maybe MY name doesn't matter because I just came in here tonight looking to screw an over-the-hill, has been, lesbian?

Anyway, Joan responds to the object of her middle age lust with this absolutely STELLAR pick up line and offer, "Can I take you home? Where we can be alone."

WARNING!!! WARNING!!! WARNING!!! This is absolute fantasy right here. I would say that the Vegas odds of this actually occurring anywhere outside of Penthouse Forum are about 10,000 to "what the hell are you talking about?".

And the girl who might actually USE this line after you've only uttered one sentence? Are you gonna follow her home? If you make it back to her place without getting a DUI, do you really even wanna wake up the next morning? My advice would be to go home with her, hit yourself in the face with a wine bottle (preferably a full one) until you can't think straight, sleep with her and then take a cyanide tablet because most likely, you're gonna wish you were dead when the sun comes up anyway.

But not in this song! No freaking way!  What happens next in this modern tale of romance and how I met your mother? Well, you know the song, sing the rest for yourself. Somehow, this whole unbelievable story works out  because it's all in some way connected to the fact that SHE LOVES ROCK-N-ROLL!!!

And the "OWWWWW!!!" part of the song? That's most likely that burning sensation that comes from going home with random strangers who use crappy pick-up lines and can barely speak English. A lesson learned the hard way and probably the main reason that Joan now has such a huge lesbian fan base (not that there's anything wrong with that).

And now you know... the rest of the story.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0ZicY7Oqmg

HAVE A GF MONDAY BLOG-CICLES and keep lovin' that Rock-N-Roll!!!  OWWWW!!!