WHAT DID YOU LURN THIS WEEK?

Hey Hey Blog-Zilla's,

It's Saturday! Welcome to the LAST day of the week. It's time to share what I lurned this week and if you please, you can share something you lurned this week back at me. I think we should ALWAYS be striving to learn, no matter our age, sex or stupidity level.

I know that many of you out there, charming and intelligent as you are, may believe that Saturday is the second to the last day of the week, but, HA! If you believe that, guess what? Not only are you a stupid loser, you lurned something new this week.

Saturday is the last day of the week, recognized as the Sabbath by many religions, or the day God rested when he created the earth and invented the game of golf. Sunday is actually the FIRST day of the week, even though many religions use it as their special day set aside for worship. Speaking of religion, the word HOLY, means "set apart from the norm", thus the term Holi-day, or a day set apart from the rest of the normal days.

So what did I lurn this week? As you may have already guessed, I lurned about the names and history of our days of the week. Exciting crap huh??!! Well maybe I'm getting old, but I think it's extremely interesting crap. This is vital information if you should ever find yourself trapped on Jeopardy or want to make some easy money off a bar room bet.

So listen up you weekday ignoramuses, here's the skinny on how our English days of the week got their names.

Most of the English days were named after Roman gods. The reason they named days after gods is because cars had not yet been invented, so they had yet to think of giving the best parking spot for a "god of the week" honor. I'm sure the gods were still flattered.

Then in 400 AD, those Norwegians from hell, The Original Gangstas from the north, better known as The Vikings, invaded England (insert Robert Plant vocal here - Ah Ah Ah-- AHHH!!!). If you don't get the Robert plant reference, Google Led Zeppelin's "The Immigrant Song" and then you can also lurn this week what kick ass  music sounds like. For extra credit, after listening to the Led Zep classic, immediately put on something from Justin Bieber and see if you suddenly begin fighting a severe urge to stab yourself in the throat with a fork. But I digress.

One of the first things The Sons of Norway of Death changed up were the names of the days. Why? Because our gods kicked your god's asses so why have days named after loser gods?

However, the first two days of the week were named after heavenly bodies. Can you guess what they are? Yes that's correct, the days are ScarlettJohansenday and  JessicaBielday.

That's not entirely true.

Obviously, the first day of the week is named Sunday, after the fourth most important object on planet earth. Number one being dirt, number two being water and number three being myself (although discussions are still taking place over whether or not I'm more important to the earth than water).

So the sun has its day but hey, where's the Moon's day? If you're not a complete idiot, you may have guessed already that Moonday is the day named after the moon (insert The Mamas and Papas lyric here). Why they don't have star day, asteroid day or black hole day, I don't know. I didn't lurn that.

Now we get to the Vikings influence. Their god of war was name Tiw. The second workday of the week had already been named for the Roman god of war, Martius or Mars (notice in French, Italian, and Spanish - the word for Tuesday is still named for the Roman God - Mardi, Martedi, and Martes. But The Purple People Eaters changed the name to Tiw's day in England. Another reason they changed the name was because the Lynard Skynard song "Tuesday's Gone" made absolutely no sense whatsoever until the Viking name change took effect.

Why is Wednesday spelled so weirdly? Is it the fault of the French? Sorry, I like blaming them too, but no. The Viking head of all the gods was named Woden or Odin, thus the strange D in Woden'sday. On another note, I personally pronounce hump day as Wed-ness-day, but I digress again.

Thursday is named for the god of thunder (no, not Gene Simmons, although you may insert Kiss lyric here) whose name is this god? Survey says??!! Thor. Thor is also known as the god of female...  ummmm... pleasure, since he has that gorgeous blonde hair, smoking hot bod and commanding presence but that's another subject altogether. Why isn't it spelled Thor'sday? I have no clue.

 Friday is named for Woden's old lady, Frigga. She was also famous for inventing the term friggan, which takes the place of the F word in a sentence, such as "Pass the friggan salt before I punch you in the friggan throat with a fork." Friday is also a holy day for Muslim countries, much like Sunday is for Christians. It's important that you learn this since Muslim's will rule the entire planet in less than a decade.

Saturday is the only Roman named day to survive and is named after Saturn, the god of the harvest. The Roman god also started a car company and named one of the our solar system's planets; Jupiter.

So there you go. Now you lurned something new this week. You lurned what I lurned. Am I happy to pass along this vital and life changing info? Of course! In fact, I'm so happy to share it that I'm sending you a bill today for $19.95 in the mail. Well, it's too late to do it today. Guess I'll have to wait till Moonday.

Have a GFD Blog-O-Maniacs